Saturday, 7 April 2012

still not asleep - freewrite



every night now, it seems
i find ways to bring myself to tears
awash with hurt over some little thing
that ought not to matter
or mourning some dream self
that never existed
but was so real when i dreamed her

sometimes these mini episodes
escape into the day
not so much like night into morning
as like the last dying light
of that full moon so red
you could have sworn it
was leaking blood

when the sun is at its height
my mood set to full beam
and the world holding back its tragedies
a brief moment of respite
from the constant braying of horror
i think perhaps those other moods
are only imagined
or wonder if i will them somehow
whether willingly or not

but then i try to recall a time
when they didn't exist
and only succeed in remembering back
to when i was better at smiling
and keeping quiet about the rest

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