Thursday, 12 April 2012

NaPoWriMo 2012 day 12

Feeling a little misconstrued
today, or perhaps misconstructed
looks like someone came along and messed
with what little order I had built
up here - blustered in, swept through my towering scales
of to do, worked hard at undoing my hard work
strewing all in a return to heaped debris

Seems even my face got in
on the act waited
till my back was turned
and with no qualms
shifted features, almost imperceptible
could have passed unnoticed
if I hadn't been searching so close in that glass
for something else
an extra line that has no place
nestling there among the others
subtle sullen set to lips
painting its way onto smiles

My words are coming out all wrong
alarmingly disjoint rifling through my tongue's intent
find myself with words like 'love' when I know
vaguley that I mean no such thing
but can't reach quite far enough inside
to pull out the tag attached to that meaning
I hum, stretch, puff
turn my head and hope the upset does not
show much
play for time or pretend not to hear
requests to clarify

And the weather doesn't help
sunlight laughing as thunderclaps applaud
the confused whole straining in
through glass clamouring for the warmth,
trembling at the rumbling snorts,
thrashed by passing showers that obscure
the muffled light

I give up trying to accept
and let whatever it is be
whatever it is
I spend so much time kidding myself
I can achieve anything I put my mind to
but realise, now, how it wanders
it's become a little too diffracted
so I sit, subside, let the colours settle
lay back as the spinning slows
wait for the world to right itself
for the moment, just leave myself be

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