Friday, 5 August 2011

limbo

i've not been able to fast since ramadan started - i'm praying tomorrow will be the day that i begin. it's left me feeling empty - floating in some kind of limbo - surrounded by ramadan but not feeling a part of it yet.


i talked to a friend at work about 'ritual impurity' today - explained it doesn't just relate to women's periods, but other things too - her 'ah' when she understood, and former knowledge was replaced with new, was a good sound to hear.


i'm not quite sure what's going on in my head at the moment.  i seem to be in some stateless state, stuck nowhere in particular, with everything fuzzy and out of focus, too blurry to get a hold on.


i don't remember the last time i felt quite this flat for such a prolonged period of time. i had a conversation with a friend the other day, that started quite innocently, and ended with me in tears that mystified me.  in a skype chat with another friend, i complained so much i got to the point where i irritated even myself.  


my sense of humour seems to have taken a sabbatical, and taken balance and rationale with it.  watching/reading the news does nothing to help matters.  


there's not even any real ending to this except maybe to consider it a point of need to return - i have to sort something out.  this is a bit ridiculous.  apathy is far too irritating to stick with, and definitely does not make for readable blogs.


any suggestions welcome.

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